... at last, - the Florida Keys!
Gee whiz! It’s been a few days since I’ve had time to write more than a couple of short letters. Life today, is very good, and now I’ll attempt to tell you how it got that way.
I moved to the Keys, sober and full of hope for the future. I stayed in Key Largo for a few years and went through a variety of jobs. The favorite job was the one where I rented Waverunners out to people at the Marriott. My uniform was a bathing suit. I had been sober for a couple of years at his point but not really working a program. There were many excuses for not going to meetings but the reality was that I thought I just didn’t need them. After three and a half years of sobriety, I decided that it would be okay to stop with the rest of the guys for a couple of beers after work. The first one was free, after all. (It wasn’t til later that I realized that the first free drink actually cost me everything.) This went on okay for a little while but, before you know it, I was drinking at home, I was missing work, I was cutting out of responsibilities and I was drinking around the clock. But it was only beer and I was okay (yeah, right). I was on my way (late) to work one morning when my truck was rammed as I tried to cross the highway. Well, I called the cops to the accident scene. No one was hurt, but my poor old pick-up was not very drivable. The guy really slammed me. I was the one taken to jail for drunk driving!! Eleven o’clock in the morning, I was drunk and didn’t even know it!! I stayed in jail for two weeks and vowed to never drink again. I lost the driver’s license, had to do community service and the whole nine yards- probation for a year. I stayed sober for another couple of years and went to a few meetings but wouldn’t allow anyone to help me, get to know me, or be my sponsor. At this point, I really hated myself and was staying sober just for spite. That doesn’t make any sense but that’s the way it was.
In 1997, even though I wasn’t drinking, things became all too much for me. Life had no meaning. I was gay, alone, not too many friends because I didn’t drink. I lived in a trailer park where I did some lawn mowing in exchange for the rent. On the outside, things looked very good. The bills were paid, the trailer was painted and landscaped, I was working hard and I wasn’t drinking. I tried to get involved in a community Playhouse group, in an effort to meet people and be a part of, but that turned out to be a “let’s go for a cocktail after the rehearsal” group. And after a couple of rehearsals, I joined them for that cocktail. This little binge lasted for two weeks before I was institutionalized. I was at the Guidance Clinic of the Middle Keys for two weeks when they released me to a half-way house in Key West.
This was to be the beginning of a major change in my life. Key West is a magic place. There is no place on this earth quite like it. Key West is the place that I was re-born. No, not as a Christian or anything so dramatic, but as a human being. One of the conditions of the half-way house was that I had to attend at least one AA meeting on a daily basis. “Something happened” and I was determined to get it right this time. I went to meetings and actually met some people. I got a job in a restaurant with the understanding that, if I were to drink, I would not have a job any more! I was hired as the maintenance guy and very quickly became the general manager. I stayed with the house for just over a year and then found a place of my own. There was a wonderful back yard where I could string speakers up in the trees and relax out on the deck. There was always music in the air. Through regular attendance at the Attitude Adjustment AA meeting at 8 am every morning, I met my current sponsor-Charlie. Life continued to be okay. It sure as heck looked good from the outside.
Workdays began to stretch from 8 or 9 hours to 12 or 15 hours. My schedule, due to my “importance”, became very flexible and I allowed my self to flexible myself right out of attending meetings. Of course that turned to a disaster. I was not focused on my recovery. I wasn’t doing any of the right things. I was still alone, still had pretty low self-esteem (pretty dumb, huh? But that’s what was going on.) Despite the fact that I was now a key player at the restaurant, the old “if you drink you don’t have a job” rule still existed.
Ronney and Steve, who were the owners of the restaurant, were heroes of sorts to me. Steve had been sober for eight years at this point and was a great person to work for and with. Ronney did not have a drinking problem. They considered me more as a partner than an employee. They were to become fast friends and remain so to this day. In the autumn of 2001, they went on vacation for a week. Ronney came back. Steve didn’t. He was drunk and she left him behind. I was devastated and before too long I was drunk myself. I managed to drink normally for almost a year. Normally consisted of drinking myself into a blackout every night, ‘sneaking’ a few doubles early in the morning to get the day started again, and then trying not to drink until I got home from work. Of course I lost the job. I also lost contact with my friends from the program, lost contact with my sponsor, lost any self-esteem that I may have gained, closed my bank account, pawned the bicycle and the stereo system, stripped the house of anything of value, sold all of my tools. By this time, I honestly knew that I wasn’t all right. But there was nothing I could do about it, -once again in my life, I COULD NOT STOP DRINKING.
Without going into details, I ‘woke up’ in the hospital on January 1, 2003. The doctor said to me, “ You almost died. You almost killed yourself.” I remember quite clearly saying to the poor man, “Maybe you should have let me.” Today, I thank God that the good doctor sat by my bed for the next two weeks and nursed me to health. I count my sobriety date as January 15, 2003 – the day after he stopped putting drugs in me to keep me stable. I was sent to Miami two weeks later to participate in long-term treatment.
I promise to finish this up later tonight- Right now my emotions are screaming every which way in me. There is so much to say but I don’t want to bore any of you with a longer post than is readable right now. The rest of the story is filled with hope and miracles. Yes, miracles! But I need to take a break for a little bit.
Love and Peace from Key West and from Chris.
I moved to the Keys, sober and full of hope for the future. I stayed in Key Largo for a few years and went through a variety of jobs. The favorite job was the one where I rented Waverunners out to people at the Marriott. My uniform was a bathing suit. I had been sober for a couple of years at his point but not really working a program. There were many excuses for not going to meetings but the reality was that I thought I just didn’t need them. After three and a half years of sobriety, I decided that it would be okay to stop with the rest of the guys for a couple of beers after work. The first one was free, after all. (It wasn’t til later that I realized that the first free drink actually cost me everything.) This went on okay for a little while but, before you know it, I was drinking at home, I was missing work, I was cutting out of responsibilities and I was drinking around the clock. But it was only beer and I was okay (yeah, right). I was on my way (late) to work one morning when my truck was rammed as I tried to cross the highway. Well, I called the cops to the accident scene. No one was hurt, but my poor old pick-up was not very drivable. The guy really slammed me. I was the one taken to jail for drunk driving!! Eleven o’clock in the morning, I was drunk and didn’t even know it!! I stayed in jail for two weeks and vowed to never drink again. I lost the driver’s license, had to do community service and the whole nine yards- probation for a year. I stayed sober for another couple of years and went to a few meetings but wouldn’t allow anyone to help me, get to know me, or be my sponsor. At this point, I really hated myself and was staying sober just for spite. That doesn’t make any sense but that’s the way it was.
In 1997, even though I wasn’t drinking, things became all too much for me. Life had no meaning. I was gay, alone, not too many friends because I didn’t drink. I lived in a trailer park where I did some lawn mowing in exchange for the rent. On the outside, things looked very good. The bills were paid, the trailer was painted and landscaped, I was working hard and I wasn’t drinking. I tried to get involved in a community Playhouse group, in an effort to meet people and be a part of, but that turned out to be a “let’s go for a cocktail after the rehearsal” group. And after a couple of rehearsals, I joined them for that cocktail. This little binge lasted for two weeks before I was institutionalized. I was at the Guidance Clinic of the Middle Keys for two weeks when they released me to a half-way house in Key West.
This was to be the beginning of a major change in my life. Key West is a magic place. There is no place on this earth quite like it. Key West is the place that I was re-born. No, not as a Christian or anything so dramatic, but as a human being. One of the conditions of the half-way house was that I had to attend at least one AA meeting on a daily basis. “Something happened” and I was determined to get it right this time. I went to meetings and actually met some people. I got a job in a restaurant with the understanding that, if I were to drink, I would not have a job any more! I was hired as the maintenance guy and very quickly became the general manager. I stayed with the house for just over a year and then found a place of my own. There was a wonderful back yard where I could string speakers up in the trees and relax out on the deck. There was always music in the air. Through regular attendance at the Attitude Adjustment AA meeting at 8 am every morning, I met my current sponsor-Charlie. Life continued to be okay. It sure as heck looked good from the outside.
Workdays began to stretch from 8 or 9 hours to 12 or 15 hours. My schedule, due to my “importance”, became very flexible and I allowed my self to flexible myself right out of attending meetings. Of course that turned to a disaster. I was not focused on my recovery. I wasn’t doing any of the right things. I was still alone, still had pretty low self-esteem (pretty dumb, huh? But that’s what was going on.) Despite the fact that I was now a key player at the restaurant, the old “if you drink you don’t have a job” rule still existed.
Ronney and Steve, who were the owners of the restaurant, were heroes of sorts to me. Steve had been sober for eight years at this point and was a great person to work for and with. Ronney did not have a drinking problem. They considered me more as a partner than an employee. They were to become fast friends and remain so to this day. In the autumn of 2001, they went on vacation for a week. Ronney came back. Steve didn’t. He was drunk and she left him behind. I was devastated and before too long I was drunk myself. I managed to drink normally for almost a year. Normally consisted of drinking myself into a blackout every night, ‘sneaking’ a few doubles early in the morning to get the day started again, and then trying not to drink until I got home from work. Of course I lost the job. I also lost contact with my friends from the program, lost contact with my sponsor, lost any self-esteem that I may have gained, closed my bank account, pawned the bicycle and the stereo system, stripped the house of anything of value, sold all of my tools. By this time, I honestly knew that I wasn’t all right. But there was nothing I could do about it, -once again in my life, I COULD NOT STOP DRINKING.
Without going into details, I ‘woke up’ in the hospital on January 1, 2003. The doctor said to me, “ You almost died. You almost killed yourself.” I remember quite clearly saying to the poor man, “Maybe you should have let me.” Today, I thank God that the good doctor sat by my bed for the next two weeks and nursed me to health. I count my sobriety date as January 15, 2003 – the day after he stopped putting drugs in me to keep me stable. I was sent to Miami two weeks later to participate in long-term treatment.
I promise to finish this up later tonight- Right now my emotions are screaming every which way in me. There is so much to say but I don’t want to bore any of you with a longer post than is readable right now. The rest of the story is filled with hope and miracles. Yes, miracles! But I need to take a break for a little bit.
Love and Peace from Key West and from Chris.
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