...sunday musings
It’s been a while since I have had the time or the energy to simply sit and write. Things here have been pretty wild. We’ve been through the threat of three hurricanes in the past month but fortunately have escaped the bad weather. The endless preparation, over and over again, has to be done but gets real “old” real fast…And then, of course, there are the commitments and obligations that have to be put to one side for the time being – only to be made up for at a later date (like this week-end!).
I’ve taken on a few other commitments since coming home from vacation; mainly due to my friend Ronney’s deteriorating state. She is suffering from Lou Gehrig’s Disease and slipping down hill at an alarming rate. At times she is barely understood as she tries to speak. So… I have been able to help her a little more with the restaurant though we both know that I don’t want to be there full time anymore. I stop by in the morning to unlock the gate and open up the bar. I do this as I’m on my way anyhow to unlock and open the AA clubhouse. A little morning perspective from both ends of the spectrum I guess!
It’s been pretty amazing, this trip into spiritual recovery. I find myself chastising myself for not, for example, praying enough, only to realize that my entire life is consumed by prayer in one form or another. The big difference is that I’m not praying to God to get me out of any situations (“O God, get me out of this and I’ll never be bad again”). I’m not praying to win the lottery or inherit a fortune (from who?!!?). I do pray to be able to see my bad habits and faults and to be able to change them. I pray that I can be useful to those around me. I pray to God to use me in any way that he sees fit, - any way at all. I pray for these things “formally” before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. But, then during the day, I find myself more or less talking to God – not formal prayer but conversation. My awareness is becoming more and more acute every day and it’s really amazing. I am grateful.
I am grateful to be alive and sober today. I am grateful for the friends that I have. I am grateful for being able to work in a field that I have long dreamed of working in. I’m grateful that I can help others; that I can be there for others. I am grateful for those who are there for me when the occasion arises. I am grateful that I have indeed begun to change and grow. I am grateful to be living in Key West.
I still have to transcribe my last day of vacation and will get to that soon enough. For now, I wish you Love and Peace from Key West and from…chris.
I’ve taken on a few other commitments since coming home from vacation; mainly due to my friend Ronney’s deteriorating state. She is suffering from Lou Gehrig’s Disease and slipping down hill at an alarming rate. At times she is barely understood as she tries to speak. So… I have been able to help her a little more with the restaurant though we both know that I don’t want to be there full time anymore. I stop by in the morning to unlock the gate and open up the bar. I do this as I’m on my way anyhow to unlock and open the AA clubhouse. A little morning perspective from both ends of the spectrum I guess!
It’s been pretty amazing, this trip into spiritual recovery. I find myself chastising myself for not, for example, praying enough, only to realize that my entire life is consumed by prayer in one form or another. The big difference is that I’m not praying to God to get me out of any situations (“O God, get me out of this and I’ll never be bad again”). I’m not praying to win the lottery or inherit a fortune (from who?!!?). I do pray to be able to see my bad habits and faults and to be able to change them. I pray that I can be useful to those around me. I pray to God to use me in any way that he sees fit, - any way at all. I pray for these things “formally” before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. But, then during the day, I find myself more or less talking to God – not formal prayer but conversation. My awareness is becoming more and more acute every day and it’s really amazing. I am grateful.
I am grateful to be alive and sober today. I am grateful for the friends that I have. I am grateful for being able to work in a field that I have long dreamed of working in. I’m grateful that I can help others; that I can be there for others. I am grateful for those who are there for me when the occasion arises. I am grateful that I have indeed begun to change and grow. I am grateful to be living in Key West.
I still have to transcribe my last day of vacation and will get to that soon enough. For now, I wish you Love and Peace from Key West and from…chris.
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