More Wednesday

My life these days has become one that is happening beyond my wildest dreams. The relationship that I have been able to find with a Higher Power, God, is absolutely amazing. The spirituality that I have been searching for in most of my adult life is blossoming around me. Life today is nothing short of incredible, - a miracle. It's not always been this way.

There were many years of out and out depression and, as if that wasn't enough, I would fuel these depressions with alcohol - only making them worse. I never seemed to fit in - anywhere. My natural (?) personality, at least as I saw it, was too gay to be straight but also too straight to be gay. Talk about a confused mess of a human being. I would use that fact that I am gay as fuel to flame the self-pity. I would convince myself that I was not "good enough" or that once you got to know me you would hate me. But then, of course, I had to overcome these feelings by being the best at whatever it was I was doing at the time. The physical accomplishments became the focus of my life and the basis for my self-esteem. Then, because the base was fundamentally unsound, my world would come crashing down around me like an avalanche, and I would wind up drunker, lonlier, and more hopeless than ever. There are myriads of tales and adventures, and at some point I may try to re-live some of them here, but not right now. I think that whoever may be reading this will have gotten the gist of what I'm trying to describe by now.

I need to stop for a while but will come back soon with the hope. Because things have changed and my life is being re-built. Being here in Key West has a great deal more to do with that than one might think but that is only a small part of it. Right now I've had a long day, face a long one again tomorrow, and need to rest. I never used to know about the resting part. I would drink myself into a black-out stupor every night and call that rest- sheesh.... More tomorrow and in the meanwhile,- Love and Peace from Key West and from Chris.

Wednesday in the morning

I've been trying to get a photo into the profile but haven't quite figured it out yet. One of these days.

I have today of and will spend some time on personal projects that, at long last in my life, I have been able to make and take the time for. I never moved to Key West to be stressed and confused and I have finally been able to get rid of those parts of my life. In the next couple of postings, I'll share of spiritual experiences and epiphanies which have changed my whole outlook on life. Right now, I have a beautiful (it's already created and finished in my head) deck to get started on. More later today. Love and Peace from Key West.

Monday in the morning

Just a few thoughts on a clear Monday morning. The coffee is fresh and good. The CD player automatically woke me with Pachobel's Canon. The skies are clear and starry. There is peace in my heart. Who could ask for a better way to start one's day. It's been a good and productive week-end and now the week is off to a great start. I don't have to be at the 'real' job until 1pm, but have many places to go and people to share with before then

I have been putting together a meditation area for my good friend, Ronney, who is suffering from Lou Gehrig's Disease. She is a wonderful person and it pains me to see what is happenng to her. There is not enough that I alone can do to help her through this. But I can build things and have kept busy at her house trying to create a peaceful area of meditation and quiet. Steve has done the landscaping. I have defined an area and will start on a deck sometime this week. I've made sketches and have to share those with Ronney. The most wonderful thing is that she was away for most of the so-far completed work and had no idea of what we were doing. Her joy upon returning was worth more than the cost of doing the work. There isn't anything more fulfilling than bringing even a small measure of joy to another's heart.

Love and Peace from Key West and from... Chris

State of Mind

Key West, for me, is not only the most wonderful place that I have ever lived, but also is a state of mind. The very thought of Key West, when I'm elsewhere, brings contentment to my heart. I am not all that active in the community as a whole, though I worked at a restaurant on mid-Duval Street for many years. I am not an activist. I am a dreamer. I sometimes seem to live in a fantasy world -but it actually is very real. I guess it depends on the tint of my glasses.

There are many who complain about tourists and cruise ships, the homeless population who have taken over the bridal path, the crass commercialism of T-shirt shops, the gays, the straights, the number of bars per square foot, the lack of affordable housing, and so forth and so on. Some of these would seem, on the surface, to be very valid complaints. Some of the critics of the critics respond with "Move somewhere else if it's all that bad!". Though there is a preponderance of problems here, life is still what one makes it. If I had the option of moving somewhere else, perhaps I might - but I don't think so. You see, Key West is home.

Key West has responded to my dreams and being here has allowed those dreams to start to come into reality. I cannot imagine any other place on earth where I can be who and what I am, be working at a job that I have wanted to do for most of my adult life, enjoy being sober, ride a bicycle anywhere I need to get, see a magnificent sunset from my back porch, watch the New Year's Eve fireworks on both sides of the island at the same time, see and hear dozens of different kinds of birds as they wake up at dawn, be able to share my thoughts and hopes and dreams with others who give a damn, walk down the street and say "hi" to dozens of people whom I know at just about any time of the day,- gee whiz!. The list could go on and on forever.

I cannot imagine living the remainder of my days any place else (and hopeful, the remainder of my days are quite a few). When I first visited the Keys in 1963, I knew in my young heart that this was where I wanted to be - forever. It only took me until fortyish to get here and feel as though after many, many years, that I had finally arrived home. There may indeed be many things wrong here, but they can be corrected - at least in my heart. There is nothing so wrong that Key West will not survive - as a dream, a hope, a paradise for my soul.

Love and Peace from Key West and from Chris.

Thursday musings

I wanted to get here yesterday but couldn't remember what my user name was - it's different from e-mail. In the course of building a new desk and re-configuring the piles of stuff, I found thewritten notes that I made so I wouldn't forget my user name. Imagine that. A back-up 'system'!!

Life on this little island a hundred miles out to sea is just incredible for me. Most people associate Key West with parties and lots of drinking and there certainly is that. But, there is an attitude or state of mind that exists here like no place else that I ever been and it's wonderful. Maybe because I can walk from the Gulf of Mexico to the Atlantic Ocean in about ten minutes...or that this is just about as far South as I can get and still be (sort of) living in the United States. These are only part of it. As I ramble through in various posts, my wish is to paint an image of "my" Key West.

Love and Peace....enjoy!

In the beginning

This is a test. If I can get this to publish, then it's off to a wonderful adventure in cyber space for me. My brother, Dr.Dana, has unknowingly planted this seed in me. Let's see if I can nourish it. Love and Peace from Key West and from Chris.