Ahi Wela (Hawaiian folk song)

I've been listening to Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (Iz) and his music is beautiful and absolutely inspiring and relaxing. Ahi Wela somehow becomes Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The most amazing song that he sings on this album is entitled "n Dis Life" which he dedicates and sings to God. The lyrics, in part..."If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart that the only dream that matters has come true. In this life I was loved by you."

This music may be Hawaiian in origin but it is the spirit of this island as well. There is something awesomely inspiring about the palm trees and the oceans in a tropical locale, though of course it is more than just the trees and the water. It is the whole spirit of this magical place that I love so much.

As I've said before - putting the politics and the other immaterial garbage to one side, this is the most wonderful place that I could ever imagine being in. My heart has never been this open. My mind, never so healthy. "Problems" sometimes crop up (and usually in my own mind), but they disappear just as quickly. I can very easily try to make mountains out of molehills, but this place won't let me stay there for very long. The whole atomosphere is charged with positive energy. Politics are only temporary and any physical damage done is likely to be taken care of by nature. It has happened in the past. The ability to express one's soul and spirit freely cannot be wiped out by any laws or prejudices. How wonderful to know and live that.

new day dawning...

Early on a Friday with lightning in the sky. And some needless anxiety in my heart. I can feel me slipping back to the "old me" -No, not wanting to drink, but just some of the fears, doubts, and insecurities.I haven't heard from one who I usually hear from daily- and in my own selfish mind, keep thinking stuff like "What did I do? or not do?" or "How have I offended him?" or any other number of stupid thoughts. Of course, this is only a return to old behaviors for me and bringing me to a sense of reality. There is still a great deal of work to do in order to heal from years and years of self-pity and alcohol abuse. Some times we grow too close to people too fast. Sometimes we need to back off and breathe for a bit. Whatever, these feelings will pass and I won't have to drink over it.

Here's hope for a great day. A Friday! A day in Key West!! This island will alwaysbe home for me. The spirit and soul of this place have invaded my heart. Not the stupid politicos, not the selfish wealthies - (hurricanes will eventually take care of those) - but the spirit of freedom and the music in the air. I am going to visit family in Maine later in August and will spend most of the time on an island off the coast of Maine. While looking forward to that, and even though I'll be on an island, it won't be "my" island.

Love and Peace from Key West and from... Chris

My God, I love to be able to write like this. It cleanses my heart and mind. Writing helps me put a perspective on things when they don't seem right or even when they seem too right.

epiphany

In reading over e-mail and in recalling dicussions with people, I've come to understand how very lucky I am. I work with recovering people in a program designed to get them back on their feet and to be able to face the world on the world's terms. I am not cerified as a counselor and will get started on that in September. I do, however, get to share my own experience, strength, and hope with these guys. And I get to listen to them - their desires, needs and hopes. I also live in this program, where my official title is Program Assistant. I am actually more of a house manager. So I get to both live and work in surroundings that are safe for me.

What I've come to understand is that a lot of us simply live an existance. We have a job. It pays the rent. So we have a roof over our heads. We can make ends meet. We can go out once in a while. We have this job. Maybe we go to church or Rotary or the Elks or something. We might own a house. We have a job. Maybe even a boat. We can be happy today because we did something good; we paid the bills, we bought groceries the rent is taken care of, the car didn't break down or any other reason that we choose to make us happy.

I know. I lived this way for years and years. I existed. I am a good carpenter. I can manage a restaurant very well. There are any number of things that I can and have done well - in order to "make a living". I don't have to do that any more. I have been inspired to get started in the recovery field. Not called by God or anything dramatic like that, but simply inspired to do it. I have desired to get into this field for a long time but, in the past, making a living always got in the way. I was always pretty good at existing but that was all it was. There were no real hopes or dreams. There was no real inspiration. Today that has changed, as have I, and I'm so grateful for that. More tomorrow.

Love and peace from Key West.

..and later,still...

I wrote and wrote last night only to discover that maintenance was being done. I should have cut and pasted to Word, but I wasn't thinking straight, I guess. Anyhow, today is my day off from the recovery center. Not from recovery, but only from the house. I'll spend the day at my friend Ronney('s) house. She wants me to build a deck to go with the meditation area that I did for her. I have a couple of display boxes to make for the restaurant first but will do those in my new "shop" (Ronney's car port).

Life today is a wonderful thing,- filled with friends and people who are helping me along in this journey. Some of them don't even know that they are helping, but they are. The power of example is a mighty thing. I, too, am able to be that power of example for others and that makes me happy. Not god - just happy. This day has barely begun and I've already connected with many people and now will go to our clubhouse and start the coffee for the early risers. There will be people there to connect and re-connect with, so that part of the day will become rich and full, rather than a chore. Sheesh! I can't believe it!

I don't know if anyone will actually read any of this, but, my god - it sure does wonders to be able to sit here and write about some of what I'm feeling and of how the world looks to me.

Love and Peace from Key West... and from Chris.

Whew!! What a rich time!

It's been a while since I've had time to sit and think. The phrase has come up at least three times in conversation over the past two days-"his plate is really full". Well, yes it is but not so full as to be overwhelming, just a bit time-consuming.

The new job at Florida Keys Outreach Coalition is much more diverse than I originally thought it would be and I've been able to take on a lot more responsibility than anyone could have imagined. I deal with our 'clients' on a day to day basis- not so much as a counselor but as a mentor (and sometimes "tor"mentor). Many of the guys are just off the streets and just getting clean and sober. Some are fresh out of jail. Some are just down on their luck. Grown men do not like to admit that they need guidance.

Right now I have to run. Steering committee meeting. Blah, blah on and on. But that's the way life is and for the best and most part I couldn't be happier with it. Just busy. More later tonight.

The Fourth without a fifth

Happy Independence Day. I remeber aflling out of a tree in 1976! I was so loaded that I don't actually don't remember getting into the tree. But I do remember the landing. That was the year that mygood friend, Curtis, used scuba gear to swim under the river up to the oncord Bridge where he then unfurled the British flag from underwater right in the midst of the celebration. He was never caught! That was fun (except for falling out of the tree)

Today, I'm a little bit older and definitely much more sober. Theday will start at a meeting, then a visit to the ocean and then, tonight, viewing the fireworks from the roof. I tried it from a palm tree a couple of years ago but they are really uncomfortable.

Love and Peace from Key West.

Friday in the morning

My subject titles are not very original, but they tell me where I"m when. God morning to anyone who may be reading.

Last night I looked up and saw the full moon rising directly behind a lone, solitary palm tree. The light and hope shining through the top of the tree was simply awesome. One of the reasons that I love Key West is moments like this. Hope and Light.

Love and peace fro Key West and from Chris.